I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
