Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
