I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
