had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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