I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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