OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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