this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
