My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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