I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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