I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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