remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize