I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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