Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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