We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
