He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
