i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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