No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
