god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
