Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
