I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
