Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
