You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
