Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
