i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
