This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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