i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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