How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
