Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
