I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
