Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
