do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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