genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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