that's an acceptable place to lick
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
