and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
