I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
