the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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