we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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