I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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