Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
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