DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
