I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Im part way to drunk.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize