He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
