i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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