Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
