dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
