Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
