I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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