her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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