I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
