Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Randomize
