I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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