haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
