I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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