"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
