I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just had sex bonerless
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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