mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
