Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Randomize
