She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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