ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
