I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
