I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
