I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
