i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
