so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
