...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
