i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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