You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My pussy is not your playground.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
