He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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