you traded sex for a burrito?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
