I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
