Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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