OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
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she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
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It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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