Need sex. Gaining weight.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize