whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
