Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i've created a new STD.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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