Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
