I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
