I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just found puke in my bra..
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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