Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
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either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
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Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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